Be careful what you hear

January 1, 2019 Denise Torres

Be Careful What You Hear During the Holidays
by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D.
reprinted with permission from Puddle Dancer Press

The holidays can be one of the most stressful times of the year. Family gatherings, busy schedules, entertaining, and the bustle and pressure of expectations around gift giving. In this training excerpt, world-renowned peacemaker and author, Marshall Rosenberg, gives frank advice to keep our compassion alive by shifting our thinking.

If you want to enjoy your life, particularly during high stress situations, I would strongly recommend you never hear what another person thinks. …

From Spinning in Our Heads to Grounding in Our Hearts

August 1, 2018 Bryn Hazell

I was with a friend recently and he was very upset. He had been working out of town away from his partner for months, and she had not answered his phone calls/texts for a week and a half. Before this break in communication, she had been with a group of their friends, and she’d mentioned a new guy in the group.

Being alone and away from home, my friend had plenty of time to gnaw on the situation over the last week and a half. “She said she’s busy, but who is that busy?”…

Try Translating to Compassionate Communication!

May 2, 2018 Bryn Hazell

Although it certainly is helpful when the person I am communicating with has some Compassionate (Nonviolent) Communication skills, I find that I can usually connect with someone by what I call “translating” what they are saying to Nonviolent Communication (NVC). Translating means I guess their feelings and needs. If my guess isn’t accurate, the person will let me know, and then I can connect with whatever feelings and needs they are experiencing. …

Welcome to the New Year!

January 1, 2018 Denise Torres

Welcome to the New Year! For some of us, getting to January 1st brings a sigh of relief—the holidays are over and things can get back to normal. For others, it’s the New Year itself that might feel groundless: “Where am I going? What am I doing?” Of course, there are those who embrace it all without distress. However, if you are one of those who struggles with this time of year, I’d like to share an NVC practice that I think might be helpful.

Remembering Needs Met

October 1, 2017 Bryn Hazell

One of the men at Deer Ridge Correctional Institution talked about how he was frustrated—and kind of angry—about his knee. It hurt and it was making it difficult to do his job. He said his body used to just be there for him and now that he was older, it was not supporting him as it did when he was younger. I asked him if he had some sadness about his body losing some of its strength and resilience. “Yes!” he said…

When Assumptions Act Like Facts

September 1, 2017 Denise Torres

Bryn and I had an interesting talk recently about how it’s quite possible to experience negative feelings and unmet needs simply because our thinking includes assumptions, stereotypes, or expectations. Here’s my example. I recently learned that a well-known musician (whose songs I love) divorced his wife after 37 years of marriage, seemingly to date another woman. I was surprised and sad to hear this, and because I care about both of them, I wanted them to have the continued closeness that comes from being in a lifelong relationship. And, I was also angry.

Feelings and Needs—Your Personal Weather Report

August 1, 2017 Bryn Hazell

The weather is sunny and warm with a chance of thunderstorms this afternoon. Do I ask myself if the weather should be different? Or is the weather just the weather?

A personal weather report might sound like…

Offering yourself compassion

May 15, 2017 Denise Torres

Recently I was asked, “How do I offer myself compassion?” Before attempting an answer, I want to acknowledge that there can be big obstacles to offering ourselves compassion. Of these, we can include the fact that our negative emotions themselves are very good at capturing our attention—so much so that it may take hours or even days to notice the fact that we’ve been suffering.

Your side of the tennis court

May 2, 2017 Bryn Hazell

At a recent practice group, the metaphor of a tennis court came up during an exploration of someone’s feelings and needs about a particular relationship. We drew a picture of a tennis court on our white board and used it to get clarity about which side of the court is ours to play in a relationship. …

Meet your needs this holiday season!

December 16, 2016 Bryn Hazell

Photo credit: Joanne and Kees Diepenheim

At a recent practice group, we talked about the upcoming holidays and the mixed bag they can be for some of us. We explored what needs each of us wants to meet and we used that exercise in awareness to set our intentions for those needs.

Neurons that fire together wire together

November 8, 2016 Denise Torres

I recently attended a course called “Positive Neuroplasticity.” During the class, we discovered how to shift our thinking in order to change the way the brain operates—including its influence on our worldview. In other words, if our worldview is generally negative (which most brains tend to gravitate toward) we can, with practice, actually train our brain so that it will operate from a more positive point of view. Cool, right?