One of our practice groups has been exploring the NVC process for things we regret.
It begins with making an observation (just the facts) about what we did.
We then connect with the feelings we experience now as we think about what we did then. (Feelings sheet.)
Next, we connect with the needs/values that were not met by what we did. (Needs sheet.)
After deeply connecting with these feelings and needs (sitting with them), we think back to the time we did what we now regret.
What were we feeling when we did it?
What needs/values were we trying to meet at the time?
We then sit with these feelings and needs. As we reflect, we might have compassion for the pain we were experiencing at the time and the needs that we were trying to meet. We try to open our hearts to ourselves and feel sadness that we did not have a better strategy to meet our needs at the time.
Knowing what we now know, how would we like to respond in a similar situation? What is a strategy that would meet all the needs (the ones we were trying to meet and the ones we did not meet)? A self-request: Practice the new strategy so that we can handle things in the future with more satisfaction in how we meet needs and experience less regret.
This same process can be used when dealing with someone else’s behavior and rather than shame and punish that person, we can try to understand their experience, offer compassion, and support learning.
Is there something that sits in you with shame, guilt, or self-hatred? If so, perhaps this practice would be a loving strategy to connect with yourself.
